Winston Churchill loved a figure of speech known as paraprosdokians. I had never heard the word before, but I´ve certainly heard the phrase. Here is the definition: "A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation." "Where there´s a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.
Here are some other examples:
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
3. If I agreed with you, we´d both be wrong.
4. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
5. Evening news is where they begin with ´Good Evening,´ and then proceed to tell you why it isn´t.
6. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
7. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
8. I didn´t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
9. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
10. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
11. I used to be indecisive. Now I´m not so sure.
12. You´re never too old to learn something stupid.
13. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
Summer at First Church is a little like a paraprosdokian. Summer is thought to be a laid-back, do-nothing time. But there is so much to do and so much going on here in the summer. Consider:
1. The three outdoor events in July: the Methodist Connection on Saturday, July 14, the Adoption Ministry on Saturday, July 21, and the Moms´ Group outing on Tuesday, July 24.
2. The Women of First Bible Study/luncheons every other week on Wednesdays.
3. The Connections fellowship event at the GR Yacht Club on Friday, July 13.
4. The All-Church Camp at the Lake Michigan UMC Camp, August 17-19.
5. The opportunity to meet missionaries Jeff and Ellen Hoover, July 26.
6. The Arts Alive Camp for elementary children, August 6-9.
7. The All Church Picnic at 11:15 am on Sunday, August 12.
There´s so much more when you read the Weekly Pulse. Jump in and find some unexpected and joyful surprises in the "lazy" summertime!
• July 13 - 21 — Senior High Workcamp
• July 14, 12:00 pm — Methodist Connection Picnic at Johnson Park
• July 15, 11:15 am — Sanctuary Windows Tour by Pat Hiler
• July 18, 8:00 am — Caring Connection
• July 19, 9:00 am — Fixin´ ´n´ Fellowship
• July 22, 8:30 and 10:00 am — Coffee Can Offering
• July 24, 5:30 pm — Moms Group: Evening Picnic and Water Fun
• July 25, 11:45 am — Women of First: Summer Lunch Series
• August 2, 9:00 am — Fixin´ ´n´ Fellowship
• August 5, 11:15 am — Sanctuary Windows Tour by Pat Hiler
• August 6 -9 — Arts Alive Camp
• August 12, 11:15 am — Church Picnic
• August 16, 9:00 am — Fixin´ ´n´ Fellowship
• August 16, 10:00 am — Moms Group: GR Township Park
• August 17-19 — All-Church Camping Weekend at Lake Michigan
• August 30, 9:00 am — Fixin´ ´n´ Fellowship
CHRISTIAN EDUCATION OPPORTUNITIES: Please contact Kim DeLong at 451.2879 (Monday-Wednesday) or email@example.com if you have questions.
ARTS ALIVE CAMP The deadline to sign up for ARTS ALIVE CAMP is fast approaching. July 15 is the last day of sign-ups for camp that runs August 6 - 9! Join the fun as we learn the value of "building" Christian community and participating in outreach service missions. Registration forms may be picked up at the church or register online. Volunteers are needed for Arts Alive Camp, so please see the Sunday bulletin to sign up to volunteer. Both senior high students and adult volunteers are needed.
BUILDING OPPORTUNITY FOR JUNIOR HIGH STUDENTS! (students entering grades 7, 8 or 9 Fall 2012) Do you like to work with your hands? Do you want an opportunity to serve? We will be constructing a tool shed during the week of Arts Alive Camp, August 6-9. Cost is $25 for the week, which includes lunch and a t-shirt. We may also have opportunities for you to be involved in a few short (5 minute) dramas each morning. If you would be interested in either or both opportunities, please see the Sunday sign-up sheet or register online. Contact Kim DeLong at 451-2879 or firstname.lastname@example.org for questions.
"UNDER CONSTRUCTION" Arts Alive Camp will be based on a "construction" theme this year. We are looking for building toys such as Legos, Lincoln Logs, K´Nex, building blocks, etc. that would be donated for the week. If you are able to loan us your toys, please drop them off in the north lobby or contact Kim DeLong, 451-2879 or email@example.com.
SUMMER NURSERY VOLUNTEER OPPORTUNITIES Volunteers are still needed in the One Room Schoolhouse classroom on July 22, August 12 and September 2. Please go to www.grandrapidsfumc.org/volunteers to sign up or contact Kim DeLong at 451-2879 or firstname.lastname@example.org for the 10:00 am service this summer!
SUMMER CHILDREN´S EDUCATIONAL OPPORTUNITES ON SUNDAY MORNING: Summer Sunday Worship Schedule through September 2 8:30 AM
• Childcare: 0 years old-2nd grade Room 106 10:00 AM
• Infant Nursery: 0-2 years old Room 107
• Toddler Classroom: 2-3 years old Room 205
• One Room Schoolhouse: 4 years old-2nd grade Room 202
FUMC BOOK CLUB will meet at 6:00 pm on Wednesday, July 11 at Pearl Street Grill (310 Pearl Street, inside the downtown Holiday Inn). Our book for July is The Barbarian Nurseries by Hector Tobar. "Araceli is a live-in maid Los Angeles. She has been responsible strictly for cooking and cleaning, but the recession has hit and suddenly Araceli is also expected to act as nanny to the two Torres-Thompson boys. The financial pressure is causing the kind of fights that even Araceli knows the children shouldn´t hear, and then one morning, after a particularly dramatic fight, Araceli wakes to an empty house—except for the two boys. Their parents are unreachable, so she does the only thing she can think of and heads to the bus stop to seek out their grandfather. It will be an adventure, she tells the boys. If she only knew..." Join us for good food and conversation. RSVP to Marlys Davis at 735-3339 or email@example.com by Tuesday, July 10.
DEAR FIRST CHURCH FAMILY I can´t believe I´ve been here 10 years! Thank you so much for the ice cream, gift, and kind words on Sunday! I appreciate the love and support of our church family, the many volunteers who work (and have worked) with our youth and young adults, those who´ve donated scholarships and items, and those who surround us in prayer. I look forward to the next 10 years! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Love, Sami Marasigan
Director of Youth and Young Adults
PS: WORKCAMP Please set aside some time on Tuesday, July 17 to pray for workcamp. We will be joining hundreds of students to work with Reach Workcamps in West Virginia to repair homes for low-income families. Each church is assigned one of the days of workcamp - that way we will be surrounded in prayer throughout the whole trip. Things to pray for on July 17 - the community we´re working in and neighbors whose homes we are repairing, the evening programs, the Reach staff, the school where we are staying, and all the workcampers and leaders joining together to make a difference, and safe travels as we return home at the end of the week.
THE SOCIAL CONCERNS COMMISSION would like to thank you for your tremendous response over the last several months as we help stock the shelves of Westminster Food Pantry. Everyday necessities such as soap, toothbrushes, toothpaste, deodorant, combs, brushes etc., were desperately needed.
Another one of the most BASIC needs that is often overlooked are feminine hygiene products. Therefore, during the month of July the Social Concerns Commission will be collecting feminine hygiene products. Your donation may be dropped off in the north lobby office collection bins.
FEEDING AMERICA Join us Saturday, July 28 for the monthly food distribution at Cesar El Chavez Elementary (1205 Grandville St. SW 49503). The truck arrives at 8:30 am for set-up, and the distribution begins at 9:00 am. First Church does not have primary responsiblity for this distribution, however, volunteers are invited to help. No sign-ups are needed.
COFFEE CAN OFFERINGS Don´t forget to mark your calendar for the next coffee can offerings on Sunday, July 22 and August 19.
MOMS GROUP: EVENING PICNIC & WATER FUN @ KENTWOOD SPLASH PAD Grab the kids´ swimsuits, towels, and a side dish or dessert to share. We´ll meet at the splash pad at Veterans Park in Kentwood on Tuesday, July 24 at 5:30 pm for an evening of summer fun. We´ll grill hot dogs by the picnic area while our kids enjoy some free water fun. Dads invited, too. Address: 355 48th St. SE, Kentwood.
MOMS GROUP: MORNING PLAY DATE @ GRAND RAPIDS TOWNSHIP PARK Let´s enjoy one last time at the park together before summer slips away! Meet us by the playground on Thursday, August 16 at 10:00 am for a morning play date. Friends invited! Address: 1836 E Beltline Ave NE, Grand Rapids. Please RSVP to Sami or Marj at 451.2879 or firstname.lastname@example.org.
JUNIOR HIGH YOUTH DIRECTOR POSITION First Church is searching for an energetic, creative person who enjoys working with junior high youth. The Junior High Director will oversee weekly programs for our 7th – 8th grade Sunday morning church school class and Sunday night fellowship program. The coordinator will report to, and work closely with, the Director of Youth & Young Adults. Preferably candidates will have volunteer or paid experience working with youth in a church or similar setting. This is a part-time paid position, from late August through the first week of June. A complete job description and application are available online at www.grandrapidsfumc.org/employment. For additional information, contact Laure Mieskowski at 616.451.2897 or email@example.com.
DIRECTOR OF CHILDREN´S MINISTRIES POSITION First Church is accepting applications for the position of Director of Children´s Ministries. Responsibilities include oversight of all Sunday morning children´s education classes; recruitment, training, and supervision of volunteer teachers and paid childcare staff; planning and oversight of additional children´s activities. This is a part-time paid position. A bachelor´s degree is required. Experience working with children in a church setting is desirable. A complete job description and application are available online at www.grandrapidsfumc.org/employment. Application deadline is July 16. For additional information, contact Laure Mieskowski at 616.451.2879 or firstname.lastname@example.org.
FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY All are welcome at the All-Church Picnic on Sunday, August 12, following the 10:00 am worship in the parking lot. Please bring a dish to share.
FIXIN´ ´N´ FELLOWSHIP Thursday, July 19 at 9:00 am - meet in room 105. We will start the day with fellowship over coffee and baked goods, then tackle minor repairs needed throughout the church buildings.
UMW SCHOOL OF CHRISTIAN MISSION DRIVE-IN DAY will be Saturday, August 11 at South Wyoming UMC (2730 56th St SW) from 9:00 am - 3:00 pm. Registration starts at 8:30 am with coffee and fellowship. Cost is $10 per person. Studies are: Poverty, Haiti, and Immigration and the Bible. Registration forms are available on the north lobby bulletin board. No youth or children´s classes are included for Drive-In Day this year. Cost includes lunch.
DÉGAGÉ MINISTRIES Going hungry is not a problem for Heartside residents but getting proper nutrition is a growing problem. Help us to provide our patrons with fresh fruit and vegetables by buying extra fruits and vegetables when you shop for your family or tithe from your own garden. Bring your produce to church on Sunday and Dégagé will pick it up Monday. Begins July 9 and goes through the growing season.
WOMEN OF FIRST It´s not too late to join the fun this summer - every other Wednesday (July lunches on the 11th and 25th @11:45 am) for fellowship, learning, and growing together in Christ. We have had a wonderful cross-generational turnout with deeply engaging discussions as we have explored the question: "Is God good for Women?" What does the widow/barren woman have to teach us? What fruit is born at "ground-zero?" Contact Tish at email@example.com for more information. Child care provided.
METHODIST CONNECTION SUMMER PICNIC Everyone is invited to attend The Methodist Connection Summer Picnic, which will take place at Johnson Park on Saturday, July 14 at noon. If you haven´t experienced the Methodist Connection, put a toe in the water and come to the picnic! Meat provided; bring a dish to pass.
A RECEPTION FOR REV. KIM DELONG will be held on Sunday, July 29 following the 10 am worship service. We thank Kim for her ministry here at First Church. Our prayers, love, and support go with Kim as she answers the call to continue her ministry in a new setting.
ALL-CHURCH CAMPING WEEKEND will be held August 17 - 19 at Lake Michigan UM Camp in Pentwater. Cost is $60. You can bring your own tent, trailer, or use the campground´s platform canvas tent with six beds. Sign up in Wesley Hall July 15 and 22. Payment reserves your spot. Contact Peg Terkeurst at 451.2879 with questions.
MISSIONS UPDATE You are invited to attend a time of learning and fellowship with Jeff and Ellen Hoover, missionaries assigned since 1979 to the Democratic Republic of Congo. They will speak about their missionary work on Thursday, July 26 at 3 pm in the First Church parlor. The Hoovers are deeply committed to the Methodist Mulungushi University, believing it can help address the critical needs of the Congo that are emerging after three decades of the Modutu regime and five years of war. French rather than English is the principal language in Congo so a Congolese university can best serve the needs of this country, following the principles and values of Africa University. Ellen also works with The English-Speaking School of Lubumbashi (TESOL), an elementary school for children of missionaries, a ministry that has been supported with funds from our mission offerings.
ADOPTION MINISTRY PICNIC Join us on Sunday, July 22 at noon for a picnic! Ruth and Ed Wezeman will host and provide hot dogs and paper products. All you need to do is sign up and bring a dish to pass. They also have a pool, so bring your swimsuits! Please use the Sunday sign-up sheet or email Marj at firstname.lastname@example.org with your reservation. Directions will be provided after you sign up. Anyone who has adopted or fostered, is passionate about adoption, or is thinking about adopting is invited to attend!
ILLINOIS ROAD TRIP Join us for an autumn road trip to Springfield, Illinois! We´ll leave Thursday, October 4, and travel by deluxe motor coach. We´ll visit the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum, the Lincoln home, the Old State Capitol, and Lincoln´s tomb. Admission to all the attractions, coffee and donuts, Thursday´s dinner, breakfast on Friday, overnight at the Hampton Inn, baggage handling, and gratuities are included for $239 per person. Click here for detailed itineraries and reservation forms or pick one up in the north lobby, or by emailing Marj at email@example.com.
HEART OF STEPHEN MINISTRY You are invited to learn more about Stephen Ministry on Sunday, July 22 from 9:30 - 9:55 am in the parlor! Meet our current Stephen Ministry Team and view a short video called "The Heart of Stephen Ministry." It´s a perfect time to see if you might be called to take Stephen Ministry training this fall, or if you or someone you know might benefit from the care of a Stephen Minister. Snacks provided. Hope to see you there!
RELATIONSHIPS No relationship is perfect. Sometimes getting past the bumps can seem difficult, if not impossible. You know you should talk with someone, but who? Call your Church Assistance Program (CAP) at 455-6210. They will answer 24 hrs a day 7 days a week and will set you up to meet with a trained counselor. The first two one-hour sessions will be at no charge to you by telling them you are a member or friend of First Church! So don´t wait – call today!
CARING CONNECTION The next meeting is on Wednesday, July 18 at 8:00 am at New Beginnings Restaurant (1455 Michigan St NE). We welcome anyone who would like to participate in caring for our homebound with phone calls, note-writing, and visits.
SEEKING SUMMER MUSICAL OFFERINGS Summer worship has begun and we are seeking people who are interested in singing or playing an instrument during our worship services. Please contact Eric Strand at firstname.lastname@example.org so that we can facilitate this offering. Children who study an instrument or sing are especially encouraged to contact me. Playing and singing in church is a great way to get experience playing for others in a non-threatening environment that honors the offering of your gifts.
SOWHOPE GALLERY EXHIBIT Showing in our First Church Art Gallery through July is an exhibit highlighting the work of "SowHope," a charitable organization which supports disadvantage women around the world through wellness, education, and economic opportunities. The organization was founded by Mary Dailey Brown, whose photographs appear in the exhibit and are the inspiration for the art of fine artists Kimberly Gill and Loralee Grace whose works complete the gallery show. Fifty percent of the sales of the pieces exhibited will go to the work of SowHope. The gallery is open during the following business hours: Mondays, Wednesdays – Fridays: 9:00 am - 4:00 pm, Tuesdays: 9:00 am - 9:00 pm, and Sundays: 8:00 am - 11:00 am.